It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
