Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just pynch a tree in the face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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