...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
