i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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