the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
