I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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