READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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