So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize