im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
