I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
