i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
