This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Less talking, more tequila
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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