We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
