My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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