You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
