Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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