i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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