drinking out of a sandbucket again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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