Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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