You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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