I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
