First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
