i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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