The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
