covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
