so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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