after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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