honey bunches of taint.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
