Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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