I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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