I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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