Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
