He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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