like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
