If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please don't give away my fajitas
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