Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
