i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
