so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
