Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
