I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
