new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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