I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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