dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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