Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
