i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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