I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
