Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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