Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
