I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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