On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
