I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
