According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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