and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
