May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
