when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
