In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
