Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
