he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
