Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
