I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer