I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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