my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived