So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?