Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.