I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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