I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME