well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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