her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
