I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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