rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
