Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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