she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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