How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
