I puked a lego.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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