went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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