I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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