She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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