i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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